What is Righteousness for? I Wonder.

Grace is hard.  It's just one of the many things that makes Christ unique.  You know?  As hard as we try to make Christianity a system, a set of rules, things like grace tear it down.  It brings us back to a living God who wants a relationship.  Just like people, that means things are going to get complicated.  There is no mom system.  I can't do this, this, and this, and have a guaranteed relationship with my mother.  I have to invest in her.  I have to see her for who she is, otherwise, even if I spend time around her and with her, I can actually have not taken in her presence in any meaningful way.

I have struggled with grace and self-righteousness my whole life.  My track is not unique.  The start of my salvation saw me quickly shift over into self-righteousness.  I would read about all these things that needed to be done and I couldn't help but do my best to do all those things.  I have lived most of my life in fear, not of a loss of salvation, but of a loss of favor.  It was as if I could see God saying, "Yeah, you're saved, but I'm so mad at you."  Basically all the time.  I mean, come on.  Sometimes I have actually gotten closish to fulfilling the law, relatively speaking for a human.  There are a ton of people who would probably think of me as self-righteous and a goody-goody, particularly those who knew me in High School.  They were not wrong.  I was doing my dead level best to be perfect, as I wanted God's favor.  I was so afraid of what would happen if it left.

All that got smashed when my depression hit.  I was so sure that this misery I had was because I had done something wrong, something to incur God's anger.  Then I read Job and came to see that wasn't even how it worked before Jesus, nevertheless after Him. 

Over the last couple of months I have been meditating on the verse:

Romans 8:1 ESV

[Life in the Spirit] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

 

I had always pushed that lack of condemnation to being in the future, as in, "Hey, once you get to heaven, it's all good.  However, God's favor is still up for grabs."  The Holy Spirit led me to understand something life hanging.  There is NOW no condemnation for me.  God doesn't wait to not see my sin, He doesn't see it now.  When asked about my sin, NOW, God the Father turns to His right, sees Christ, and sees His perfect life instead of mine.  

 

So, then the question was, "What is righteousness?" I ask, because like many, once grace is felt even a little, it is quickly abused.  Our hearts go, "No sweat, God's going to forgive me."  Even if we know the verse where God entreats the Romans, "Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound?  May it never be."  Even if we know this, our hearts and minds can't seem to reconcile.  What are we to do with righteousness?

It is only within the last three weeks that I have come to see that righteousness is actually good.  What I mean is that I have, like most, felt righteousness to be a drag.  If only I were free to do this sin or that sin.  Man, wouldn't that be great?  The truth is no.  Righteousness is not about God's favor or salvation.  You can't earn either.  They are given in spite of your actions, not because of them.  Your actions are as filthy rags, recall.  No, righteousness rightly understood is about actually pursuing what is good.  Funny thing, and I am in no way ginning this up, or psyching myself out.  It is not wishful thinking that makes me say this.  It is the comp[lete opposite.  Righteousness, when done out of love, and not out of desire to win favor or salvation, brings life.  It really does open up your heart.  You find that your heart was made to work this way.

Righteousness is kind of like the laws of physics.  Life is just better when you understand them and follow them.  Gravity kills when not understood.  We drive a certain way because we know that doing so will keep us alive and well.  Righteousness is the same.  It is a law written on your heart, and even if it is not the means for you to save yourself, or to make God love you more, it will still bring you joy.  

I know that some of you are going to cringe at this.  The very word "righteousness" is going to rub.  You want to be "free."  Only, there is no such thing.  We are always a slave to something.  We can be a slave to Christ, to light, goodness.  We can be slaves to our own base desires.  That isn't freedom.  Did you choose your desires?  Do you mold them?  Do they really free you?  Or, do your desires ensnare?  I already know the answer, because i have given myself over to my base desires many times before.  At first it felt awesome.  But, only for a liver of time.  Soon, I found myself quickly hating myself.  With or without God, I saw that I was a self-centered punk.  All purpose died.  Was I really only about my own pleasure?  Really!?  Vomit.  

I dare you, if you are struggling with this, to read the Psalms.  Listen to David talk about how he loves righteousness.  Listen to him extol the life of one who is righteous.  Recognize that David sinned a ton too.  He wasn't perfect.  He stole a man's wife then had him killed.  Have you done that?  So, know he wasn't perfect.  But, in the end, God called him a "man after His own heart."  I dare you to ask God to show you what righteousness is for.  Ask Him to change your heart.  Ask Him.  What have you got to lose?  He's not going to do it unless I'm right.  Righteousness will not save you, nor make God love you more, but it will make your life better.  It will make your heart more like God's and in that place there is true joy... no matter what is going on around us.

I'm praying for you.