Formulas Are For Numbers, Not People

A + B = C.  1 + 2 = 3.  All of these are equations, and simple ones at that.  Ask anyone who loves math why they love math and you’re almost certain to get the same answer.  They will say that the beauty in math is that it doesn’t change.  You can debate politics, economics, literature, film, history even, but not math.  One plus one equals two, period.   If you debate this you are… a moron.  There is a sense of comfort in that consistency, a sense of control.  It’s still difficult, but it’s just a puzzle to be unlocked, and the formula works.  If you don’t get the answer right then it is your fault.  All variation of outcome rests on your shoulders.  The formula works.  It is up to you to fill in the blanks and work the formula to its definite conclusion. 

It really does have its own beauty, and the draw is real in a world that is ever changing and complex.  1 + 2 = 3.  Formulas work… with numbers.  What happens when we start to use formulas with people?

“Well, Nicholas, who cares?  People don’t use formulas with people really.”

Don’t they though?

One of my best friends recently got engaged.  My friend had been previously married and went through divorce.  His wife cheated on him sexually and then abandoned him.  He was one of the greatest husbands I had ever seen.  Everyone who knew him throughout his marriage would say the same thing.  His ex-wife concurred throughout the entire process of her cheating and leaving that he was so wonderful that it made her sick.  It irked her that she had no real leg to stand on and get upset, to blame.  She would talk about how good he was with complete vitriol as she spiraled away from goodness and from him.  Time passed.  As I said, he is now engaged to a woman he has fallen in love with.  It should be a time of celebration, and joy, and in most ways it is.   

However, there has been enormous surprise though in the form of doubt from his fiancés friends and family.  Pre-divorce, this man was the man all parents and friends wanted to marry their daughters, their friends.  Post-divorce, he has been doubted at every corner, every turn.  Even after people get to know him, there is doubt.  Yes, SHE cheated.  SHE left.  Yet, there must have been a reason.  There must be some unsavory secret lurking in the closet.  That is always the thinking that comes from the people who doubt.  No matter how many times he recounts the tale of what occurred he is always asked skeptically, “What did you do?”  When he asks them to clarify they always say something like, “Well, you talk about what SHE did, but what did YOU do?” 

Question.  Why must he have done something?  Why must her leaving be his fault in any way at all? Is she not a human endowed with her own free will?

Let’s take a look at another story for the answer.

Another friend of mine recently walked out in the middle of a sermon.  The pastor at her church was giving the second sermon in a five part series on marriage.  Sermon one, a week earlier, had been on men and their roles within marriage.  This was sermon two, and was dealing with women and their role.  The pastor came around to the subject of divorce.  He urged everyone that was in a struggling marriage to stick it out.  He talked about God’s design for marriage, talked about how those that did go through divorce that there was forgiveness, redemption, and hope.  My friend, who divorced her husband due to sexual infidelity and drug addiction nodded knowingly through all of this.  It wasn’t until the pastor started talking about how women could, through certain actions, bring about the change they wanted in their husbands.  The list began.  After the first item she nodded, thinking, “I did that.”  Then the next item.  She did that.  The next.  Did that too.  On and on it went until she just couldn’t take it any longer.  She walked out of that sermon knowing that she did all of those things and it did not change her husband.  She knew them throughout her marriage.  People told her that if she just loved her husband better then he would change.  Her actions would melt his heart.  They didn't.

That pastor was doing his best, but he had no idea that he had done something very dangerous.  He put people into a formula, and while formulas work with numbers, they don’t work with people.  Everything he had told those women to do was spot on.  There is no trouble there.  The trouble was telling them that such actions could, indeed WOULD, change the actions and heart of their husbands.  My friend is the prime example of how that is not true.

People are not numbers.  Numbers do not change.  Four is four is four.  People change constantly.  We change so much we aren’t even always sure what is going on inside our own selves.  That is how stupidly complicated we are. 

This concept is not in any way limited to marriage and divorce.  The idea of simplifying humanity into a formula pops up in the Bible.  Check this out…

LUKE 13 

There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. ² And he answered them, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? ³ No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. ⁴ Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? ⁵ No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.”

Read that.  The people talking to Jesus saw these horrible things happening to these people and instead of seeing it as injustice, instead of putting the blame on Pilate and the Romans whom had mixed their blood with sacrifices, or in the case of the tower, gravity, they assumed that those who were killed had done something to deserve such misfortune. 

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

JOHN 3

1As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. 5As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” 6Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man’s eyes with the mud 7and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing.

Here it is again.  This time it isn’t just people, but Jesus’ disciples.  They come upon a man who is born blind and instead of seeing it as misfortune they assume that either he or his parents had sinned.  There is a loooooooong heritage of people oversimplifying in the Christian faith.  I’ve known people who were battling cancer and instead of receiving encouragement were instead chastised.  You see, they would be healed if only they had enough faith.  They were still sick.  Ergo, they did not have enough faith.  

“Nick, that’s crazy talk.  Some outlandish people might do that, but not your average Christian.”

Maybe not about healing sickness, no.  About marriage and relationships?  You bet. 

We need to feel we’re in control.  We need things to be understandable.  In church, we feel we need to have answers, definitive ones.  If we don’t have an answer for everything then somehow that might mean we’re not worth coming to?  I don’t know.  Answers must be had though, and so we reach to that same place of peace we find in math.  We think, “God loves marriage and hates divorce, ergo, he would not let a marriage between two God following people end in divorce.”  Hey, God also hates death, but it is still coming.  God hates sickness, but no one lives a perfectly healthy life. 

Most Christians have come to see the prosperity gospel as silly, yet we have adopted that gospel, not with money, but with our families.  Surely, if I love God and my wife loves God then there is no chance for failure.  Surely, if I raise my children in the way of the Lord, they will grow to love Him as I love Him.  Yet, we all know that when we get beyond the fantasy and look at life, at our experiences, we know differently.  Have we not all known someone amazing who has been left?  Have we not all known an amazing set of parents who had a child become wayward?  I’ve read the Bible and have yet to see a verse promising such things.  Have you?  Where is the verse that promises that “if you love your spouse how you should they won’t leave and will become the spouse you wish them to be?”  The verse that says, “if you raise your children as the Bible says that you are guaranteed that they will grow up to be as you hoped” is where?  For that matter, where is any verse in the Bible that says that your obedience in any way is guaranteed to alter the actions of another person ever? 

I’ll give you a hint… there isn’t one.  Okay, that’s not a hint.  You caught me. 

“Nicholas, no.  It says in Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and when they are old they will not turn from it.  Boom!”

That is not a promise.  It is a Proverb.  A proverb is defined as a brief popular saying that gives advice about how people should live or express a belief that is generally thought to be true.  Thus sayeth Merriam and Webster.  Before you tell me that you don’t care about what some secular source says a Proverb is, here are some resources, all gotten from the first page of Google with “Are proverbs promises” in the search bar.  Feel free to go see your self.  Here are some of the sites…

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/parents-beware-proverbs-are-not-promises

http://magazine.biola.edu/article/07-spring/proverbs-226-a-promise-to-parents/

https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/quest-bible/2012/10/02

http://www.gotquestions.org/proverb-Bible.html

http://counselingoneanother.com/2013/07/23/are-proverbs-sure-fire-promises/

http://drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=a4651318-9f2a-4a75-87c7-4da7b76e3ede

http://www.growingchristians.org/devotions/proverbs-are-proverbs/

These articles weren’t written by hippies here, with John Piper and James Dobson amongst the writers.  In the article written by Dr. Dobson he expounds on not just this one proverb as not always being true but goes through a list of others, as he says,

"Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth" (10:4). (Have you ever met a diligent--but poor--Christian? I have.)

"The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it" (10:22).

"The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short" (10:27). (I have watched some beautiful children die with a Christian testimony on their lips.)

"No harm befalls the righteous, but the wicked have their fill of trouble" (12:21).

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" (15:22).

"Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life" (16:31).

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord" (16:33).

"A tyrannical ruler lacks judgment, but he who hates ill-gotten gain will enjoy a long life" (28:16).

There is no promise that you can manipulate another person through your obedience or faith.  Each person is accountable for only their sin.  Deuteronomy 24:16 says a parent is not to be executed for a child’s sin nor vise versa, as each is punished for their own sin.  How can this be true if Proverbs 22:6 is a promise?  Would that not make the parents culpable?  Also, were this a promise, then you, not God, would be saving your child.  It would be your works that saved them, not God’s grace.  We know this to be false. 

Point is that all of these situations are formulas, and all of them fail.  They don’t just fail the people who have them hit them directly.  They hurt everyone.  How much better would our marriages be if we didn’t rest on this fake formula?  Mightn’t we be more active in our pursuit of our spouse?  Would we not be infinitely more capable of encouraging those who have been left by their spouses, had children go astray, are estranged from their parents, a friend, are dealing with illness or some other life horror?  We would.  There is no doubt.  There may be a sense of security in trusting the formula, but it is false security, as people aren’t numbers. 

If we got rid of trusting these stupid formulas…

…my friend could be simply celebrating his engagement.  The people around his fiancé would be ecstatic, as they would see that their friend was about to marry one of the best men alive.  They would meet his story with empathy instead of doubt. 

…the blind man would have been met with help and empathy instead of judgment, as if his life had not been hard enough.

…those who died at the hand of Pilate and under the tower in Siloam would have been mourned properly instead of their legacy being invoked with shame. 

…we will not doubt God’s goodness when the formula fails, as we will already know the formula was fantasy and not from God.  We will love our spouse as we ought and God will still be good regardless of their response, as we will now know there was never a guarantee of change.  We will be evermore patient when our child doesn’t respond to our Godly parenting.  We will not hate ourselves, nor God, as it was never in our power to control another, even one who is in our stewardship.  We will go to God, not our own actions, to change the hearts of others. 

How Being Judged Hurts

A lot of people think that John 3:16 is the most ubiquitous and well-known verse in the Bible.  I disagree.   It may be the most well-known Bible reference, but in spirit I believe there is one that is far more ingrained in the minds of mankind.   

Check this out…

Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged” ESV

Every human knows this.  Heck, dogs probably know this.  We just can’t hear them in their minds saying, “Don’t judge me, okay.  The cat did it.  Okay?  You don’t know me.  Don’t act like you know me.”  If an atheist knows ONE verse it is this one.  It is everyone’s way of saying, “How dare you point out my sin to me!”  

There are two Biblical definitions of the word, judge.  One is to discern.  The other is to condemn.

We know that we are supposed to admonish one another, that discernment is good.  We will know one another by our fruit.  Yes?  The idea that Jesus was saying, “Don’t see other people’s sin ever.  If someone is stealing something, just let it go.  If your loved one is showing destructive patterns, how dare you admonish them.  How dare you reveal what you see that they might stop.”  We all deep down know this.  None of us live out the opposite either.  We all say something when we see our loved one about to put their hand into the fire.  We all say, “Stop!”   To let that person touch the fire unwarned is not even remotely loving.  No one let’s their kid wonder into the street for fear of judgment, nor allows their kid to keep lying.  Both are very dangerous, and to leave it to that person to just figure it out is silly, and no one does that.  We all share what we’ve learned, and discernment is part of that.

So what is the issue if it isn’t discernment? 

Condemnation. 

One of the greatest pieces of wisdom outside the Bible I’ve ever read was on the difference between condemnation and conviction.  Both sting at first.  Being told we are wrong ALWAYS hurts.  It is a practiced skill and sign of maturity to get better at hearing that you are wrong.  The difference is that conviction always promises life, and there is a sweetness behind it.  It is about freedom.  There is now therefore no condemnation in Christ Jesus.  We are free.  However, sin hurts, and we need to be shown from time to time that we are hurting ourselves.  On the other hand, condemnation brings about death.  It keeps us trapped in our sin, focused on the past.  It is a tool of satan.

Until this last year, I had never really felt the sting of condemnation so heavily, nor seen how destructive it can be.  It makes since to me now as I read that the number one reason for the rise of the “Nones,” those no longer affiliated with any church, is judgment.  I don’t think I ever really saw that judgment goes beyond words.  It isn’t just proclaiming, “You are going to hell.”  It is a posture of the heart and spirit, one that overflows into our actions.

A year ago my wife left me.  I have no desire to go into detail.  I have worked hard to preserve a relationship of some kind, however trivial, with my ex-wife.  All I care to say is that I did not deserve to be left.  She had no Biblical right to leave me.  I did not want her to leave.  I did not want to be divorced.  Beyond that, I am not going to say much.   

Since then, I have experienced a whole new side to the church I have never before known.  Note that when I say church, I mean the church greater, the body of believers, not one church in specific.  What I have experienced is judgment, and hear this, it has hurt me worse than I can possibly admit.  There just are not words. 

As I said, I have learned much about judgment.  Let me go back to what condemnation is versus discernment.  The main element of condemnation is not speaking words to people.  That is the overflow.  It is in the heart.  In order to judge someone in the verb sense you must first become a judge the noun.  In order to become a judge you are placing yourself as a dispenser of the law.  Think about that.  It is an act of self-elevation.  One doesn’t have to elevate to be a part of admonishing and conviction.  Who better than a former thief, or someone who still even battles the desire to steal to tell see the pattern in another thief and say, "Don't do it.  I know.  This road only leads to pain."  Is not the lustful man or woman the most qualified to warn of the false promises lust brings?  It surely is. Notice that the fellow criminal is still aware of the law.  There is an acute awareness, a discernment, of the law and can see when someone else is breaking it, and still warns to obey it.  I say that to again show that discernment and admonishment are not bad.

I want you to think about this...  Being judged, condemned, has given satan so much power for lies in my heart it is amazing.  I have never felt so useless, so unloved, or so dirty in my life, and I wasn’t even the one who left.  I was wronged, and yet I have been made to feel like dirt, like I am not pure, not true, not a real Christian anymore.  I have become a second-class Christian.   

Ultimately, that feeling is my own fault.  No one controls my heart.  These are lies that I have believed.  That is on me.  I should have been stronger, more faithful.  How many times has the Holy Spirit reminded me that Jesus was an outcast by the religious institutions of the day?  Many.   

Yet, I have struggled like never before, and in doing so I now see the power of condemnation.  If I, someone who has devoted their life to Christ, has struggled so mightily under the burden of condemnation from the church then what effect does it have on someone just peeking through the door?  We already know the answer.  Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to experience something to really understand it.  I never understood how I could condemn people with my actions, with my looks, with my posture.  I never saw how my feeling like I was better than someone would pervade through my mask and show in a hundred little ways, or come back around through gossip.  How many times have I heard mean things said about me by my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Even an amplified sense of pity can be a part of it. 

I realize there are a ton of trails and loose ends to be discussed in this.  For now, I just want you to meditate on the devastation a spirit of condemnation has.  Even though I have suffered it’s burden, I still struggle to not think myself better than others, to go beyond lovingly and gently calling someone out, and instead wreak havoc upon them, making them feel awful and unloved.  Perhaps that is the key.  Perhaps we forget that Jesus loved us BEFORE we were clean, BEFORE we loved Him.  Yes?  Maybe?  We too ought to love others BEFORE they become clean, as we are not clean either, really, not in action.  That is the beauty of the gospel, to be seen as clean when we are not.  God takes those weights and measurements of judgment and tosses them away. 

The counteraction to this has been the redemptive, the restorative, the understanding love of so many others.  It has been through the tenderness of those who have not condemned (but have sometimes admonished).  They gave counsel.  They hurt with me.  They reminded me that I am not somehow less of a person, that divorce is not a super sin, that it doesn’t define me.  I may be someone has been divorced, but that doesn’t make my definition the divorced guy.  It is not my label for life.  I am the redeemed guy, the Christian, the mess of a man made Holy only by grace, the guy that keeps screwing up and keeps getting taken care of by Jesus anyway.  

They helped me move past my own condemnation of myself.  It is amazing how when people start to treat you a certain way you struggle not to feel that way.  It is through the guidance of others I am reminded that I did not do wrong.  I didn’t leave, that you can’t make someone else obey, or love you.  I have been reminded constantly that good parents have children go astray, good spouses get left, and good people suffer.  Job was innocent yet suffered.  I remember Tim Skaggs, senior pastor at Coggin Avenue Baptist in Brownwood reminding me that Jesus stood outside of Jerusalem and wept because he had called them to Him and they would not come, that if Jesus couldn’t make them come how could I believe I could make Kathleen come to me?  I couldn’t.  We as the church can help or hinder so much.   

My prayer is that we can all see ourselves as we are, sinners redeemed by God.  May we not condemn.  May we not remember we are fellow criminals all coming together in praise of the fact that the actual judge decided to let us go free despite our criminal action.  May we not make a mockery of the court, and as criminals, climb into that judges chair, grab the gavel, and start waiving at the other criminals just like us, lest we be held in contempt of court.  All glory be to God.  Amen.

Are Short Lives Incomplete Lives?

"He left us too soon."

"She was robbed of life early."

"His story was cut short."

Almost every time, maybe every time, someone young dies some form of the above notions get tossed about.  Death is always hard for us mortals, as it should be.  Death's permanency is surely horrifying.  Yet, we seem to have formed some sort of unspoken gradient by which we feel we can measure the completeness of a person's life, and thereby we can also judge the level of tragedy that goes along with that death. 

If someone is a hundred, and they die, we don't even bat an eye.  We marvel at their age.  We say, "Well done."  Some might even say, "I hope I don't live that long."  Most of us nowadays see the eighties as expected.  Reach eighty and all bets are off.  We'll shed a tear for you, but you've gotten your due.  Sixties are when things start to hurt, where the questions start.  Someone dies in their sixties and we can't help but wonder why they didn't make eighty.  There is a sense of loss, of tragedy, but at least there is the notion that they lived somewhat.  Children were probably had, maybe grand kids.  Not a total loss.  If someone is thirty and dies, we are floored.  Twenties, we're gutted.  Teens and below, forget it.  Our minds don't even know how to handle it.  

When people die young, we feel they have been robbed.  So short was their life.  So little did they experience.  So much more was left for them to do and see and feel.  The loss is overwhelming to us.  It is not just for ourselves we mourn, but mostly for them.  We view their lives as tragedy.

Question is, "Is a short story an incomplete story?"

 Absolutely not.

Go read the story, "To Build a Fire," by Jack London.  It is a literary masterpiece.  You will be moved.  You will torn.  You'll feel elation.  You'll feel loss.  All of that, and the story is only fifteen pages long.  That's it.  

Compare that with a Harry Potter novel or one of the Lord of the Rings books.  Those are hundreds and hundreds of pages each.  Thousands of pages to complete the story of each series.  Yet here we have "To Build a Fire" at fifteen pages, and it is a masterpiece.  It does not need anything else to tell it's story.  As a matter of fact, more might even ruin the story.  It's brevity is part of it's power.  We've seen it again and again, particularly in movies, where a beloved short film is taken and extended, only to show us just how perfect the story was in it's short form.  Adding things simply ruined the story.

Now, let's read this:

All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
(Psalm 139:16)

Do you see what I see?  Our days are ordained.  For those who don't know what ordained means, it means numbered, given, set up.  Not only that, but they were so before we even were! With that in mind, there is no such thing as a life cut short.  No one has been robbed of life early.  There is an author, and he doesn't make mistakes.  Every life ends exactly when it should.  

This doesn't mean we don't hurt.  We do, but for us.  We hurt because we miss those who have gone before.  BUT, the beauty is that we are now free to see the beauty in those lives.  We need not feel they were robbed of life. There lives were masterpieces, written by the ultimate author.  Sometimes those stories leave us sad, much like "To Build a Fire," but they are still masterpieces.  They still move us.  They are still complete.  There are long lives that end sad too.   Long life is a good thing.  We know this.  But, let us no longer judge the lives  of those whom have lived briefly as lesser works.  It may feel like we are sticking up for them, like we are for them, but we disrespect their lives.  It would be like judging "To Build a Fire," not based upon its prowess as a literary work, but simply for its length. 

This way we get to revel in the beauty of a short life.  We get to take it in.  Yes, it leaves us wanting more.  All stories do.  Yet, we will be revering the beauty of the work, and respecting that life as we should.  That is the real way to honor those whose lives have ended in youth.

My Soul at Hazard

“I was sheriff of this county when I was 25 years old. Hard to believe. My grandfather was a lawman. Father too. Me and him was sheriffs at the same time, him up in Plano and me out here. I think he’s pretty proud of that. I know I was.

“Some of the old-time sheriffs never even wore a gun. A lot of folks find that hard to believe. Jim Scarborough never carried one. That’s the younger Jim. Gaston Boykins wouldn’t wear one up in Comanche County.

“I always liked to hear about the old-timers. Never missed a chance to do so. You can’t help but compare yourself against the old-timers. Can’t help but wonder how they’d have operated these times.

“There’s this boy I sent to the electric chair at Huntsville here a while back. My arrest and my testimony. He killed a 14-year-old girl. Paper said it was a crime of passion, but he told me there wasn’t any passion to it. Told me he’d been planning to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said if they turned him out, he’d do it again. Said he knew he was going to hell. Be there in about 15 minutes.

“I don’t know what to make of that. I surely don’t. The crime you see now, it’s hard to even take its measure. It’s not that I’m afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But I don’t want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don’t understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He’d have to say, ‘OK. I’ll be part of this world.’”

—   Sheriff Ed Tom Bell from No Country for Old Men

I’m just going to shoot straight here and tell you that life has been pummeling me as of late.  It’s not just one thing.  It’s a general barrage of first world hardship and disappointment.  Now, when I say first world I’m just giving some global context, not saying that my pain hurts less because of it.  It’s been hard.  Job’s been hard.  People’ve been hard.  And as usual, I've been less than stellar at making things better myself.  It’s just the times for me. 

And I have to say, that because of it my fingers have been slower to flip through the word of God.  Haven’t even wanted to say His name out loud much.

It isn’t that I’m angry.  If anything I am disturbed by how calm I’ve been, how easily I’ve turned over.  No.  It’s fear.  There’s a caution inside me when I start reaching for the Bible, a catch in my mouth for words of praise towards Him.  I’m just so tired of being pummeled that I’m downright scared to shake the hornet’s nest anymore.  I can hear inside me being whispered, “Just keep it to your self.  You can love God.  Just hold it inside you.  The Gospel is great, but let other people share it.  Take a breath.  Focus on getting by.  Don’t put your soul at hazard any longer.”

Each passing day has seen pieces of me flake off out of necessity.  Shed that optimism in order to cope with the disappointment.  Slough off that hope.  It just leads to more pain. 

The whole thing has just about shut me up.  There doesn’t feel to be a whole lot left of me in there.  But… there are some things, some good things, no, great things, things too good, that keep rattling the cage that seems to surround my heart.  They shout inside me, “Wake up!  Fight!” 

So fight I must, for I cannot bear to disappear any further.  Hope must be and grow.  And, my passion to share the gospel will not be curtailed.  Stopping telling people about God?  Might as well die.  What’s the point otherwise?  That’d be like never saying I love you to those you love ever again, and that just isn’t going to happen.  

I'm going to double up and believe it'll be okay, that there is a purpose to this mess.  After all, I was warned by God himself.  Shame on me for ever thinking it was going to be anything other than hard.  God didn't let the cup pass from His own son, Jesus.  Why would I think he'd pass this cup, an infinitely smaller one, from me?

Strength may not be there.  Right now it’s mostly bark, but I’m swinging.  I’m swinging for hope, for a life that’s more than just okay.  This weight need not crush me, nor will it… in Jesus’ name.  I invite anyone who feels moved to do so please pray for me in this, that my heart would not fail, that dreams would not cease, that disappointment would not overrun me.  Like the Psalmist, may I press on in faith, trust, and hope.  I will pray the same for you.

Psalm 84:8-12

8 O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah

9 Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed!

10 For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

12 O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Where was God in Aurora? ...and other Questions.

Nicholas L. Laning

Where was God in Aurora?  So big has this question been that the other day cnn.com had an article with that question as it's main story.  So many people wonder, "what happened?"  And I understand the question.  Everyone has wrestled with this question, and we don't come up with the same answers.

Where do we get the idea that God is good, loving?

I am going to lay one truth down.  God's being loving and evil's existence is not incompatible at all.  Think about the fact that you got the idea that God is loving from the Bible.  You may think it is universal.  It isn't.  It is Judeo-Christian.  Most eastern religions don't have a god at all.  There is either illusion, or nothingness, or something else, but no god.  Hinduism has millions of gods, but they are all a part of the illusion of life.  They aren't a loving supreme being.  So, you are getting your idea of God being loving from Judaism and Christianity.  It is not an innate belief.  If it were, it would have played itself out in other cultures.  God being loving is very unique, not common.

Must a supreme being be loving?

No.  A supreme being doesn't have to be loving.  I am not talking about the Bible.  I am simply saying that something could have created everything and not be loving.  They do not have to go hand in hand at all.  That is illogical.  That is like saying that everyman that walks through the door will be able to whistle Dixie.  What does whistling have to do with walking through a door?  Nothing.  A man CAN walk through a door and whistle Dixie, but it isn't necessary.  Neither is necessary for a being be able to create our universe and have to love.  It is simply that Judeo-Christian influence you have if you feel that way.  You may not like it, but it is true.

So, we get our idea of God being loving from the Bible.  Does it then say suffering isn't real?

Umm, no.  Not even close.  You could pretty much take a Bible in your hand, close you eyes, open the Bible to a random page, and you will find suffering, probably a lot of it.  Read Job.  Job didn't even do anything wrong, and God allowed him to suffer.  Moses, David, Noah, Adam, every prophet, everybody in the Bible suffered.  Matter of fact, most of the Bible is about how to deal with suffering.  Think about that now.  This is the same book that gave you the idea of God being loving.  So, the same book says that God is loving also says that suffering is very, very real.  So then, God's idea of love includes allowing suffering.  Is that illogical?  Nope, and we know it.  Suffering can exist with love. 

Is it possible for suffering to exist with a loving God?

It isn't illogical for God to be loving and allow pain.  It is simply unpleasant.  We just don't like it, and as much as we like to think of ourselves as rational, we are prone to believe with our feelings.  If we don't like it, we don't WANT to believe it.  This is why when a MAN goes into a room and shoots people we get mad at God.  We don't want it to be about man.  If it is about man, it could then be about us, and we want to believe we are awesome.  We ain't.  All of history speaks volumes about how not awesome we are.  We think that because we haven't killed someone that we are good.  Never mind that we are selfish, greedy, prideful, arrogant, etc. etc.

Even if it is logically coherent for suffering to exist in world created by a God who is loving, why did that God choose to do things this way?

I don't know.  I have about eight different theories as to what the answer could be, but they are just that... guesses.  In the end, what we take heart in is that the God of the Bible, unlike any other deity ever put forward, took part in our suffering.  Think about that.  God allows evil, allows suffering to exist, but He did not stay up in the heavens and laugh from a distance.  He became man, and took on more suffering than you or I have.  He was tortured on our behalf.  That is loving.  He delved into the pain, and thus proved that pain can exist, and that He is still loving.

 If not God, then what?

This is where most people I have seen fall short.  We don't like what God has chosen to do, so we choose to reject Him.  However, it is very rare to ask the question, then what?  Judaism and Islam both have suffering and a loving God.  You can't get away form that there.  Eastern religions don't have a loving god, usually not a god at all.  There is justice.  Most run to atheism.  Question... if matter is all that is, then what is evil?  The answer is nothing.  Evil is just another chemical reaction.  Your "life" is nothing but matter trying to stay in a certain form.  There is nothing transcendent, nothing eternal about evil.  The shootings in Aurora, Colorado are nothing more than a chemical and physical reaction.  Does that sound better?  Does that comfort you?  Is that freeing?  It is truly awful.  It is the death of anything transcendent, the death of justice.  The death of love.  All is simply chemical.

How do you come to peace with God and evil?

Read the Bible.  If you read the Bible, you will cease to be surprised by evil's existence, as it is everywhere.  You will see that judging God on being hypocritical can only be done by rejecting His own description of Himself.  If you do that then you have to realize that you are getting your ideas of God from somewhere else, and you cannot judge the God of the Bible with the Bible.

Here are two pieces of scripture to leave you with...

Job 7:1-21

1 "Has not man a hard service on earth, and are not his days like the days of a hired hand? 2 Like a slave who longs for the shadow, and like a hired hand who looks for his wages, 3 so I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are apportioned to me. 4 When I lie down I say, 'When shall I arise?' But the night is long, and I am full of tossing till the dawn. 5 My flesh is clothed with worms and dirt; my skin hardens, then breaks out afresh. 6 My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle and come to their end without hope. 7 "Remember that my life is a breath; my eye will never again see good. 8 The eye of him who sees me will behold me no more; while your eyes are on me, I shall be gone. 9 As the cloud fades and vanishes, so he who goes down to Sheol does not come up; 10 he returns no more to his house, nor does his place know him anymore. 11 "Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. 12 Am I the sea, or a sea monster, that you set a guard over me? 13 When I say, 'My bed will comfort me, my couch will ease my complaint,' 14 then you scare me with dreams and terrify me with visions, 15 so that I would choose strangling and death rather than my bones. 16 I loathe my life; I would not live forever. Leave me alone, for my days are a breath. 17 What is man, that you make so much of him, and that you set your heart on him, 18 visit him every morning and test him every moment? 19 How long will you not look away from me, nor leave me alone till I swallow my spit? 20 If I sin, what do I do to you, you watcher of mankind? Why have you made me your mark? Why have I become a burden to you? 21 Why do you not pardon my transgression and take away my iniquity? For now I shall lie in the earth; you will seek me, but I shall not be." 

Romans 5:12-18

12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned-- 13 for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. 14 Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come. 15 But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. 16 And the free gift is not like the result of that one man's sin. For the judgment following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. 17 For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ. 18 Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. 


Hopefully this has found you well.  I am not perfect.  I am fallen.  My heart's desire is to share the love of Christ with you.  If I have not done that, then please write me and admonish me. 

A Heavenly Lens

Nicholas L. Laning

We sing, "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord," for a reason.  It's because we are blind.  And, no matter how long you've been a Christian, no matter how sanctified you've become, there is always going to be some blindness.  I wish I could say that once the truth is revealed to you that you will never forget it, but that's just not true.

Through the lens of depression, God showed me much.  Through that immense pain I came to a place of release.  I gave God my life.  It had gone so far away from where I wanted it to go, there was no turning back.  There was this beautifully reckless pursuit of God's kingdom and glory.  

However, as I have been healed, my eyes have turned from what is eternal, from what is heavenly, and become more focused on the here and now.  It was impossible to get what I wanted when I was depressed, so just let her rip.  But now?  Now there is the temptation to build my kingdom here.  My eyes have been pulled to the present.  And it has made me miserable!!!

Why?

Because I want to get my way now.  I am staking my claim here, now.  When things don't go my way, when I don't get what I want, I haven't relinquished that to God.  I haven't rested in the peace of knowing He has me.  I know what I want, and either God will give it or He won't, and if not, then I become indignant, ungrateful, bitter, and angry.  That is what my heart has been.  Though I have much, there are things in my life that, if I am to build my kingdom here, to seek for my pleasure here in this life, that are way way off.  If this life is about me, then it is wrong, terribly wrong.

Praise God!  It isn't about me.  Just last night I was laying in bed, unable to sleep.  With a bitter and heavy heart I cried out, "God, help me!  My heart is so bitter, and I don't know why!  Return my heart to one of thankfulness and love.  Please!  My heart is not loving right now, Lord!"  And, faithful as always, where I once couldn't see, all of the sudden I could.  My eyes have stopped looking to eternal things.  They have been focused here, and I was shown just how much that has affected me.

Today has been a new day.  The outside world is the same as yesterday.  The outer problems are still there.  Yet, my heart has been changed.  Today, heaven is on my heart.  I see those things that I wish were different and I just give them to God.  I openly relinquish them, and in doing so all is joy.  Why?  Because it will be redeemed.  Paul's dream wasn't to get pummeled, shipwrecked, imprisoned, afflicted and then some.  Yet, he lived a glorious life, one we should emulate, for the sake of the gospel of Christ!  If I remember correctly, every single one of the twelve disciples died horrible deaths.  Yet, they are called blessed.  

Matthew 20:23-28

23 He said to them, "You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father." 

24 And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers.  

25 But Jesus called them to him and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.  

26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,  

27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,  

28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Jesus doesn't deny that people will be honored differently.  He doesn't say, "Hey, once in heaven, who cares?  We're all the same."  He confirms that some will be honored over others.  If you don't know, where someone sat in Jesus' time was all about honor and recognition.  It was a big deal.  And then He goes on to reiterate what He said to me last night.  To be great is not to be powerful, to be recognized here on this Earth.  It is to be a SERVANT, to put yourself at the service of others, to willingly put yourself under them.  Wow!  

That doesn't sound at all like how I have lived my life these last few months.  I have been entitled to the nth degree.   Notice that the honor is to be near Christ in heaven.   Well, by golly, I want to be as close as I can get.  I want to be up there.  I don't want to lose that because I clung to this brief little flash.  Funny thing is, with my new lens of my heart, I am actually happier now, though that is not my goal.  You have to love paradoxes.

My prayer for you and I is that we would not lose what we have in heaven for the sake of this wonderful, yet flawed, and brief moment in eternity we call our current lives.  May our hearts understand what it means to live for Him.  May we be crazy bold with out lives, forsaking all for His kingdom.  May the Holy Spirit show each of us just what that means in our life.  Amen.