Stupid Things Married People Say to Single People

Nicholas L. Laning

Just last night Kathleen told me of a friend who was sharing her feelings to her about her life.  The subject came about to men, and where she was at as far her heart was in the process of being single and looking for a mate.  She told Kathleen about she told her small group leader, a married woman, about her frustration with being single and guess what happened.  


Come on. You all know what happened.  The small group leader reproved her.  She told her her she needed to get over it, that she needed to stop thinking about guys and just be content.  

This is like a rich person telling a poor person they shouldn't want money... via skype from their Bahamian beach house, with paradise glowing in the background.  I can just hear it.  "No.  Rick.  You should stop trying to earn money.  You need to be happy where you are.  Hold on a sec.  (Yells off screen) Cookie, watch the lobster.  I don't want it overcooked like last night.  Overcooked lobster makes me bloated and we're going skydiving later.  I don't want it to be like our trip to Hawaii last week.  (comes back to the screen)  So, yeah, you need to just chill out.  Rice and beans are all you need, man."

There is obvious truth to this.  Rice and beans are more than enough to sustain.  There really, really are people dying around the world right this very second from starvation.  You should be thankful for whatever you have.  Period.  However, being thankful for what you have is not equivalent to not having future dreams, hopes, and desires, is it?   It isn't.  Every single one of the men that we look up to in the Bible had desires and dreams. 


I guess, in the end, my concern, between writing for the Abyssic and this, is that I have come to see that we lack in our ability to empathize and sympathize with people.  We want to much to fix people.  Perhaps it is our Texan individualism that makes us say, "Buck up," instead of, "I'm sorry you're struggling."  


I know I have done it too.  I used to be infamous at camp for being cold to kids who cried when they fell.  It wasn't that I didn't have sympathy, I guess.  I thought I was doing them a favor.  You know?  Most of the time they were just looking for attention, and would waste time they could have spent playing nursing a fake wound because we big people were coddling them.  Here's the thing though.  There were quite a few times where I said get up to kids that were actually hurt.  Who's an idiot now?  (Points thumbs at self)  I should have had room in my heart for actual pain, for the real deal.  We all should.  Let's recall Jesus' reaction to the pain of those mourning the death of Lazurus, a man he would raise from the dead...

John 11:35 ESV

Jesus wept.

(BTW, I am not saying that being married makes you rich and single poor, the analogy is supposed to show someone wanting something that someone else has attained, and the person with it telling the person they don't need it while enjoying it.  In this case, the person wants to be married.)