Travelling Placebo

We got into Jackson at 3:45 am.  The road was sparsely lit, even more sparsely populated.  Throughout the state of Louisiana, at least half a dozen cars had been abandoned on the edge of the interstate.  With no moon, the mighty Mississippi River, my favorite part of the trip, was black, indiscernible from the sky or surrounding land.

Both Kathleen and Mrs. Browne fell asleep by Shreveport, leaving me to my own thoughts.  They were running wild.  The physical sensation of driving so far and quick away from where my life resides gives me, if but for a spell, the sense of actually leaving my problems behind.  It's almost as if it takes your demons a while to catch up.  The illusion is most welcome.  It always seems to give me a bit of clarity in my usually muddled soul.  I wonder if other peoples souls are so murky, so viscous. 

One reaffirmed truth is just how much I have become self focused.  My heart, as of late, has not yearned for the saints.  My mind has not taken in the poor, nor my heart the hungry.  My eyes have not seen the plight of others.  Central to my own thoughts has been me, comforts, expectations, life, money, everything.  It seems so intuitive, so natural to do so.  Yet, the honest truth is, I am most free when not thinking about myself.

As I heard in a life altering sermon by Tim Keller not but a week ago, "You can either seek righteousness or happiness.  If you seek righteousness, you will get both.  If you seek happiness, you will get neither."  It is a truth that can only be experienced.  The self-centered heart will scoff at how stupid this sounds.  Yet, when felt, when experienced, you will wonder why you ever bothered to ever be so self-focused.  You will beg for it to be like this forever.  It is so light.  It is the feeling of lying down in cool grass on warm day.  The breeze gently hushing across your face, tickling your eyelashes.  The moving leaves cast dancing shadows across the ground around you.  The scent of earth fills your nose.  It is like that.

God's grace comes in many forms.  This trip is shaping up to be very refreshing to my soul, not only because of the travel, but the fresh new life of my nephew, Cedar Browne.  May his life be blessed.  

My Nephew, Cedar Kingsbury Browne.