I have been meditating on contentment for years. I have long desired to really grasp the things that will bring me closer to God. So often, we take words for granted, and we end up missing the boat. Here is where God has brought me thus far.
Every definition of content that I have looked has this idea in it: “not wanting more.”
Perhaps it is because of my years of depression, but I hate the idea of not wanting anything. For years, whilst in my battle, I lived without a single genuine desire. It was as if my heart had died, yet my body was left awake to suffer a loveless, desireless life. I used to tell God that all I wanted, was to want something, for my heart to be stirred.
So, this idea never left me, of asking about the definition of content, because I had lived a life with no wants, and it was an unimaginable hell. I still react strongly when I hear people say things like, “I wish I just couldn’t feel anymore, then I wouldn’t hurt.” I have experienced such a reality, and it is hell. It is so much better to yearn and hurt from love than to hurt from simply being numb.
I have begged God to show me what HE means by content. What is His definition? I have come to the conclusion that contentment has to do less with desiring, and more to do with thankfulness and complaining. Also, our pastor has time and again mentioned the idea of Holy Discontment.
We are to always long and yearn for God and all His attributes. We know this to be true. The entire Bible tells us to fight, struggle, yearn for, long for, ache for more of God, more of His glory, more of His love. We are to yearn to be more like Him, discontent to simply be as we are, yet always looking to Jesus, and what He has done for us, and thus be transformed. The greatest commandment is to LOVE the Lord your God with all your soul, strength, and might. The second is to love your neighbor as yourself.
We also know that loving people is a part of this. With God as the ultimate source of all goodness and love, we are then to pour ourselves into one another, risking our hearts in love for our brothers and sisters, hurting when they hurt, rejoicing when they rejoice. Jesus longed to be with people. So too did Paul. Again and again, the examples given are ones of deep connection and love. Do a Bible search on the word “Beloved.” You will be blown away to see the strength of word Paul and Peter use when speaking about different people.
Even in physical matters, I believe that contentment has less to do with desire than it does thankfulness and complaining. I have days where I long to get to travel, or to be with a distant friend, or to in the course of a day, to eat a certain food. Am I being discontent because I am desiring something I do not have? No. Though any of those things CAN cause discontentment. The question is, am I thankful? Where is my heart? When I think of Ireland, I ache to return, yet such longing is not bad when it brings my heart to think of God, when my heart glows with affection for friends far away, when I recall the beauty of God’s creation there, and am excited to witness and share it again. That is not discontentment.
Yet, there are times when that same general thought has brought me to no longer be thankful. It pulls me away from God. That same desire, turned inward toward myself, brings me to complaint. My heart hardens, not softens, and I begin to question God. That same desire to return to Ireland has at other times also taken me to complain and grumble. So, we can also know that it is not the object desired that is the issue either. It is us, and our own hearts.
Do we understand our place? Do we know God? Are we trusting Him with our hearts desires? Are we thankful? You can't be thankful and complaining in spirit at he same time. You can speak thankful words while really having a complaining heart, making your words useless.
I think if you read through that and check it against your own experience, you will agree that there are times when such longing for people or place or job, through the grace of God, has pointed you toward Him. That desire has driven you, strengthened your affection for Him. Does God not tell us to ask for our desires? He does. He tells us to ask and keep asking.
So, after all that rambling, I will try to sum it up. Biblical contentment does not have to do with desire itself, it has to do with where that desire takes you. It will either take you toward or away from Him. Also, it is not the object that is desired. The same desire for the same object, at different times, can be bring you to either end.
May we desire much, yet may it all be relegated to God’s timing and approval. May we be ALWAYS be thankful (not even, but especially) in times of trouble, always keeping in mind what we truly deserve, and what we as His children have been given freely, and not complain. May we long for God with every fiber, trusting our hearts into His hand. May we open our hearts to love other people. May we no longer believe that the word of God gives us excuse to reserve our affections from His people in an attempt to not hurt, in an attempt to control our hearts. To Him be all glory. Amen.
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