With People

Talking to someone about their career, and the conversation came around to working under people.  We both talked about the pain and frustration that usually comes from working underneath others.  When we parted ways, I was left thinking about the future, and my own career.  A twinge of fear and frustration hit me as I let it sink in that I would most likely be under people.  My mind sprang into action, already imagining future situations that could occur, future demands from future bosses.

The truth is though this is true.  Even if you are top dog, there will be frustration.  Essentially, you are just guaranteed to be hurt by people, and that is okay.  It's okay whenever I stop looking only others frustrating me, and realizing that I have, do, and will frustrate others, no matter my intent.  I am a mess too.  I am a part of it, and so are you, and everyone else.  We all have our blind spots.  When it comes to dating and love, I am always quick to impart the wisdom, "better to have loved and lost..."  and that is true.  Same goes with work.  It is better to have worked and lost, to have put yourself out there.  Just like with dating and love, if you think you can just not be a part, that you can protect yourself, you are only fooling yourself.  You are actually guaranteeing pain and failure.  Such it is with work.  Yes, it's a mess, but it is worth it, maybe not every moment, but ultimately.

Please pray that God would open up the doors for a career, that He would open my heart and mind to whatever it is that He has, that I would be ready to work hard, and serve readily.  This I will pray for you also.

Next?

Had a great week guiding hunts out at the ranch.  The hunts were very successful.  The ranch looked good.  We got to knock down and score a whole bunch of the deer, one of which ended up being bigger than we had estimated, which is exciting.  I know I might as well speak Chinese, but this is the first year that we have had any deer break the three hundred mark in scoring, and this year we have had three do it.  Layman's terms, that is a big deal.

Also, I have been continuously in prayer about the future, and God continues to answer.  So, I am going to continue writing, as that is my main passion.  However, that will have to remain a side gig until/unless the Lord makes the way for me to do that full time.  Until/if that day comes, I still yearn to have a career.  It has been made abundantly clear, time and again, that I long to do ministry.  It is an itch I can't scratch.  It burns.  I can't let it go.

I have been beating myself up pretty good about not already having a career.  The Holy Spirit has been faithful to remind me that my life has not been common.  Ten years of depression have to be factored in when I think back.  This has been huge in helping me find some peace, and not feel like a moron.  So, I move forward, and I want to know what i want, and fight for it.  So, I want to ministry.  Do I need to go back and finish seminary?  I don't know.  I really don't.  I know that as I pray and meditate on everything, that I don't want to be a lead pastor.  My heart really is burdened for high schoolers and collegians.   Please keep this in your prayers. 

It really is a new era.  I feel the charge of new life.  It is exciting to see what God has ahead for you and me.  My prayer is that we would know Him outright, that we would not allow anything to steal from what is our greatest joy... Him.  May our hearts be ever aligned to His.  Amen.