Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Living in Dying World

Just got a news that is not pleasant.  My Nanna is so frail that she has had her shoulder dislocate, and one of her ribs crack, simply from being picked up to be taken to the bathroom each day.  I also got news that my uncle has cancer of the bladder.  I don't know any details about it yet.  I don't know at what stage it is, or what the prognosis is.  It may be like Mr. Browne's cancer was, still serious, but treatable, and (as far as cancer goes, cancer is always scary) relatively mild.  Or, it could be like that of one of our pastor's at the Village in Dallas.  He has stage four brain cancer, and could die at any time.  I don't know.  I then got on to talk to my Uncle Kyle over in Volgagrad.  He was telling me about how his hearing is deteriorating, and about his struggle to be angry over it.  He has been ministering his whole adult life, and it is still hard to resign yourself to the trials that God has for you.  I have have suffered through depression for well over a decade.  Though I wouldn't say I am depressed, I surely struggle from it's lingering effect.  I am yet whole.  I have only felt so but for a stretch of time, only to have fallen back.

All of that is to frame my heart, where it is coming from.  There are so many paradoxes to behold, so much balance.  It has me thinking and listening to people talk about life.  I have heard people who sound less like Christians, and more like Buddhists.  Their reaction to pain is one of distance.  They cling to the future glory of heaven so tightly, that they are unwilling to open themselves up to any present joy.  This is very tough, as the immense amount of self discipline necessary to get this way breeds pride and sounds very lofty and holy.  Only, God's word tells us that Jesus wept.  he was involved in the moment of His people's suffering, and He knew, even more still than us, that all the crying would soon be turned to joy upon Lazurus being resurrected.  Our greatest commandment is to love, and love has feeling.  I am not saying it IS a feeling, I am saying feeling a part of love.  You cannot love without involvement.  To cut ties with what is going on cuts our hearts away from the very suffering we are told to comfort, "Mourn with those who mourn, rejoice with those who rejoice."  Does it not?
On the other end are those who run to the moment.  They seek to capture it so much that they are willing to sacrifice the future for it.  Yet, we are to have self control, patience, courage, hope.  all of those things involve the future!  Self control is when we stave off our momentary desires to achieve a future intimacy with God.  Patience, where we wait for the future with grace and dignity of heart.  Courage, where we fight through our current fears for the future glory beyond.  Hope, where we believe we will receive the good that we currently do not possess, but long to have in the future.
As is almost always true, the end truth is found in both seeking the future "Keep your mind on the things above", and that which is present, "Love the Lord your God...", "Love your neighbor as yourself.
As for me, I am fighting for joy.  Everyday is a battle against eh lies that have and would continue to entangle my heart.  I cling to the cross.  The law exists to show us that we need Christ, that we cannot make it on our own.  God yearns for me to cling, so I will cling.  I will live, though sometimes I think, like Paul, that to do is gain.  So, if to live is Christ, that is whom I shall live for.

I long for wards of comfort.  I long for scripture, but also for your own words as well.  When I think of it.  We long to hear the heart of God directly, and we also long to hear it though the changed, struggling hearts of the saints in the trenches around us.

1 comment:

  1. This is a beautiful languishing of your heart. I say beautiful not to be insensitive or trite, but to rejoice in the absence of falsehood, hiding, sugar-coating or pretending.

    You are real before the throne, relinquishing control and semblance before your Potter. Continue to be as clay Nicholas. Be malleable in His capable, gentle hands.

    For "if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us, and if our God is with us, then what could stand against?" Certainly, not even our inner battles or insidious lies from the enemy's lips. Nothing can stand against that which He desires in the lives of His children. He is the architect who specializes in creating beauty from ashes - palaces from powder. What anyone intends for harm, He WILL construct the most glorious splendor of gain.

    Quite possibly one of my favorite verses - for the imagery and tangible intimacy of these words cling to me in my weakest moments, moving my eyes from horizontal distraction to vertical exaltation. Psalm 37:23-24 sings this: "The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the LORD is the One who holds his hand" (NASB). I find and absorb Him most through nature, so I can see myself stumbling up a cliff - a crumbled pathway to get to the heights. I'm clumsy and unsure, and I slip so many times. The sun is hot and my mouth is dry. But my steps are established, the path has been clearly marked. I know I am going in the right direction. And the times I fall - the many times, never once does my face strike a stone, nor my head burst upon a boulder. For HE is there - the ONE - holding fast to my hand.

    I'll leave you with one verse which gives way into a heap of triumphant proclamations, of which I am sure you are familiar. Yet I encourage you to anoint yourself in the oil of their truths.
    I will only mention the first, because I have a sense that this one sentence needs to resound in the chambers of your heart the most today: "But in ALL these things, we OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER through Him who love(s) us." (NASB, emphases mine)

    Thank you, once again, for declaring your heart, that we may all, as members of one Body, be enriched in the joys of unity, encouragement and edification, and that we too, may comfort you, with the comfort we ourselves have been given.

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