I have yet to find a voice on this thing. Not having internet has surely made it difficult. Still, even when I am on, I have never come to grips with what exactly I am suppose to do with this blog. I still don't know. All I know is that the spirit with which it was born was one of desperation. I want to serve Christ in any way I know possible. That has yet to make things more clear either. What does that mean? How do you minister through a blog? (Shrugs) I don't know. I don't know, but I am going to keep on writing and we'll see what happens.
What I am going to do is simply write what I believe about different things. This way you can continue to know me, if you want to. Hopefully this will mean something to you.
Things I believe...
I believe love cannot end. I have never loved someone that I now don't. The shape and form of love has changed toward many, but it is always there. I didn't used to believe this. Friends have come and gone out of my life, and I out of theirs. Girls have come and gone. There lack of presence in my life fooled me into thinking that I no longer loved them, as those affections were never stirred. Yet, time and again, God has brought many of them back into my life, if but for just a few moments, and the sensation is always the same. The sensation is one of great surprise at my rekindled affection.
I found my best friend from kindergarden, Christian Dixon, on facebook. We have chatted a few times. Each time I wa amazed that I could care so greatly about a person I have not known since I was nine. All of it came back, different for sure, but no less real. That is just one example. Time and again people whom I have not thought about for years cross my path or enter my dreams and in either case the truth is the same. What I thought was gone or dead was just dorment. At the slightest flash it is brought forward with a vengeance.
Now, I am no longer shocked by loves endurance. I am shocked that I can forget it in the first place. That life is so evermoving in the forward direction that there isn't enought time to give to all those I wish. That I must pick and choose who to apply my time and affection toward. That is something wonderful about heaven. I won't have to make that choice. Our affections will be whole and unwavering, and there is no time limit. I would love to spend a few thousand years just listening to each of my friends share themselves with their renewed hearts, unwavering and unabashedly whole. This is why my heart is so desperate. I long for all of those I love to be with me in heaven. I long for you to have our friendship rooted in love itself... God. That is what drives my thoughts during the day, and keeps my head and heart reeling at night as I think about what I can do to make Him known. What can I do to help break down the lies that Satan has used to keep my friends from Christ? For one, I can pray, and pray I will.
So, that is something I believe. Everyone I have ever loved, I still love. That love has changed in its application and influence on my everyday life, but it is still very much alive and real, and I think every human heart, once past the gates of hurt and skepticism, believes this too.
More some other time perhaps.