No Busy Signal

I don't rightly know what to make of it, this part of my life.  I have never been busy.  Every now and then, when presented with the business of other people's lives, I wonder if I am doing things right.  Am I lazy?  No.  What then?

Honestly, I can't wholly answer.  In the end, I just value time.  Everybody has their love languages.  There are physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time.   Supposedly, though everyone of course loves all of those, everyone has one or two dominant languages.  For me, the number one language, by far, is quality time.

I love being around my friends and family, and except for instances here and there, I will find a way to be with them.  Also, it hurts me intensely when others are too busy for me.  It is a great struggle for me to let go of that.  In an instant, I understand.  However, when I have pursued someone's company, and they tell me that they want to hang out, but are too busy, here is what I hear, "You amuse me, but you are not important.  My job, church position, whatever, is more important than you." 

Sometimes, I know this can be to my detriment.  I covet time to think and create in my mind, and sometimes I struggle to get involved when I should.  It has taken far too long to really dig into the ministries at church.  Only in this last week have a started to really take root.  That is pretty weak.

I don't really know where I am going with this.  It is simply a mental answering of the question that has come into my head, "Why does everyone else cherish being busy so much?"  Several times within the last month I have been confronted with people who have seemed to condescend to me because they were far busier than me.  Or people have simply been too busy to find any time to spend with me.

I know.  This has not been a very Biblical post like usual, but, it is personal.  I want to have a humble heart about it.  I fear that I myself sounded condescending in my response.  That is not my intent.  I know that I have struggles in the area of time on my own.  These are just some thoughts that have been stewing in my mind and heart.  Please give my words the utmost grace, and do not take them poorly.  Perhaps I don't sacrifice my time enough?  Perhaps that is something I need to be open to giving up more.  I will surely pray hard about it.  I will take it to the Lord.

Metal in the Sky

The human heart is surely broken.  One of its biggest problems is that it takes things for granted, and nothing is off limits.  If we could fly like super man, it would be amazing... at first.  In time, you would, if lucky, recognize that you have been flying around for the last few years now without enjoying it. 

Fortunately, this is just something we are prone to do, but it can be fought victoriously, at least by and large.  Every now and then, when I am looking up into the Dallas sky, and I see all those distant black tees, perfectly straight vapor trails in tow, I just stop, and take it in.  I think, "I am looking at a huge piece of metal fly through the air!  What would Newton think if he could see this?  Or George Washington?  Or Moses?  I get in another hunk of metal that, by using thousands of tiny little explosions every second, is capable of zooming me about at seventy miles an hour.  It is a wonder.  It is fun.  It may not be as exciting as when I was fifteen, but it not be totally taken for granted either.  Much joy has been renewed in mundane acts through such reminders. 

I realized today that I have done this with my writing.  I have been beating myself to a pulp for not being as far along on the rewrite of Light Blue as I had wished.  It has been months since I have found any real joy in writing.  Well, God is ever faithful, and today He ministered to my heart by reminding me that I have actually written a novel.  Yes, I need to rewrite it, but that doesn't discount that I wrote a whole book, and that it was good.  It made people cry, feel emotions, empathize, think, all of the things that I yearn to do.  Yet, I have taken no joy in it.  I have believed yet another lie.  Shocker, I know. 

Well, today was on of the first days I have been able to really enjoy what God ha done through me.  I have let it sink in that the work of my mind and hands has evoked much emotion and thought, which is what I desire to do.  Slowly but surely, the passion has been creeping back in.  God is restoring my heart for this novel.  He is clearing my vision a little at a time.  I don't know why this trial is necessary, but I don't need to.  All glory be to Him.  He is all I desire.  All else that brings pleasure is great, but merely a lens, a piece of Him that He has allowed, built for me and you to enjoy. 

I would love to heat your thoughts, so please write a comment.  I pray for you every time I remember you, and it is with thanksgiving in my heart.