It has been a rough spiritual battle these last few weeks. Satan has been adamantly pursuing the diversion of my steps, this much is sure. Last night at church brought much of struggle to a head. My heart has, for years now, held great hope for the future. My dreams have been high. My spirit has been believing that God wants to do ministry through my life. Yet, over the last week or so I have been bombarded with the lie that God doesn't want to use me. Possibly, I am a tragic character? No. No such thing for those who are called according to His purpose. Yet, I must confess that last night, at church, I started to repeat that lie as possible truth. So tired, so worn out by it. The feeling so pervasive.
Church ended, and one of the women of the church, who also is the administrative assistant, came over to Kathleen and began to tell her just how much her heart was being moved. She said that when she looked at us that she just got this overwhelming sensation that we are going to be used mightily, that something great is ahead. Amazing. God's movement through a fellow sister to so encourage and uplift.
After church I realized a great many things. One of them being just how much we allow our emotions to beat us, especially when it comes to God. Feeling good makes us feel like we are in line with Him, and feeling bad makes us feel forsaken, maybe punished. The Holy Spirit sent a gentle stream of questions to me, carving out a niche within my heart and mind. "Do fornicators not feel good amidst their sin? Doesn't it feel good to do drugs, at least in the moment? When you sin are you aligned with God? Surely not. Also, was not the ultimate act of love not born out of pain? Are you not warned that you will suffer, indeed even told that you should consider suffering for Christ's sake a blessing?" The questions kept coming.
The answer was plain. Our emotions are very very important. How we feel is important to God. Did He not grow frustrated at the Israelites for sacrificing with hard hearts. He complained about them doing what He told them to do, but with the wrong heart. Right? Does God want your actions most of all, or your heart? We know the answer. God yearns for our affections, our emotions, and the overflow of that into action. Emotions are important. BUT, are they to be trusted at all times? Surely not. The truth is the truth regardless of feeling. I can hate gravity all I want, but jump off a cliff, and I will surely fall. Those moments when truth and emotion are aligned are the moments where we are closest to heaven. They are bliss, when our hearts know true humility and grace and love. Wow. Such moments are rare. They are beyond us. They push us on in hope to what we do not yet see, but long for in faith that it will be.
May our hearts know as many such moments as possible. May our hearts be stirred in affection for You, and indeed for each other. May we be able to discern the truth always, and be given the courage to follow it. May our hearts be trained in obedience and righteousness. May our faith grow. May our hearts always be thankful, and our mouths be filled with your name and praise, regardless of company. You are mighty God. You are more wonderful than words can say. You are why we live. Amen.
Church ended, and one of the women of the church, who also is the administrative assistant, came over to Kathleen and began to tell her just how much her heart was being moved. She said that when she looked at us that she just got this overwhelming sensation that we are going to be used mightily, that something great is ahead. Amazing. God's movement through a fellow sister to so encourage and uplift.
After church I realized a great many things. One of them being just how much we allow our emotions to beat us, especially when it comes to God. Feeling good makes us feel like we are in line with Him, and feeling bad makes us feel forsaken, maybe punished. The Holy Spirit sent a gentle stream of questions to me, carving out a niche within my heart and mind. "Do fornicators not feel good amidst their sin? Doesn't it feel good to do drugs, at least in the moment? When you sin are you aligned with God? Surely not. Also, was not the ultimate act of love not born out of pain? Are you not warned that you will suffer, indeed even told that you should consider suffering for Christ's sake a blessing?" The questions kept coming.
The answer was plain. Our emotions are very very important. How we feel is important to God. Did He not grow frustrated at the Israelites for sacrificing with hard hearts. He complained about them doing what He told them to do, but with the wrong heart. Right? Does God want your actions most of all, or your heart? We know the answer. God yearns for our affections, our emotions, and the overflow of that into action. Emotions are important. BUT, are they to be trusted at all times? Surely not. The truth is the truth regardless of feeling. I can hate gravity all I want, but jump off a cliff, and I will surely fall. Those moments when truth and emotion are aligned are the moments where we are closest to heaven. They are bliss, when our hearts know true humility and grace and love. Wow. Such moments are rare. They are beyond us. They push us on in hope to what we do not yet see, but long for in faith that it will be.
May our hearts know as many such moments as possible. May our hearts be stirred in affection for You, and indeed for each other. May we be able to discern the truth always, and be given the courage to follow it. May our hearts be trained in obedience and righteousness. May our faith grow. May our hearts always be thankful, and our mouths be filled with your name and praise, regardless of company. You are mighty God. You are more wonderful than words can say. You are why we live. Amen.
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