There area a lot of random things on my heart and mind today. I will start with the mundane and work to the more profound.
First things first. My father in law got a Kuerig Coffee Machine. This is not healthy for me. I am not even a coffee buff, and my intake has doubled if not tripled! It is like having heroine on tap. Press the little button, the machine makes some noises, and you get really good coffee or tea in ten seconds. I fear the toll will be most heavily taken on my pearly whites. I have been blessed with relatively straight and white natural teeth. Until I was a junior and high school, my teeth were nearly perfect naturally, to many people's envy. That would be when my not so wise wisdom teeth decided to come in, and shove my bottom teeth forward, banking my two front teeth in ever so slightly. You can't tell unless I open my mouth real wide, but it's there. Anyhow, this Kuerig situation is bad. Need to pray for some self control here!
Now on to serious stuff. Anger has long been an issue for me. I battled it mightily as a young teen. Part of this was because I was picked on heavily and my mom, with her newly rejuvenated faith, was under the understanding that it was my roll as a Christian to let the other boys beat me up, and not do anything about it. "Turn the other cheek." I did just that, and it left me feeling emasculated and confused. Also, I had some crazy hormones raging. When you can grow a full beard when you are a junior in high school, you know that the testosterone is in full effect. So, I have spent two decades now trying to understand anger. What is it? Where does it come from? What do I do with it?
When I was younger, my mother and dad would try to assuage my anger by telling me to go take out my anger on something inanimate. Living in the country, there was more room to let this play out. One time my dad and I shot cartons of water with shotguns (highly recommend it. The water just explodes!)
This long, arduous battle has been one of my worst. We are all afraid of our own selves in some way. We are afraid we will do this or that. For me, (until maybe two years ago) I have lived my life in fear of my own temper, and I have lived in fear of my own forgetfulness.
God is always faithful. I have been begging Him for help, and He has surely given it over the years. As with everything, it seems, He didn't just zap it. No, He has lovingly shown Himself in the process of understanding and maturation. This year has been the biggest year for this.
The biggest change came in Ireland, when, as I have already written before, God showed me that I was angry at Him, and that my anger was deeply unfounded (understatement of the year). Since then, when anger toward God has popped up, I have been able to fight it off with what I now know. But, what about with people. God is perfect. People aren't (another understatement). Surely I can be justified in being angry with people... Wrong.
Due to someone justifying bitterness with the scripture about Jesus having righteous anger and turning over the tables in the temple, I have begun to study what the word says about anger. What I have found is terribly interesting. For one, Jesus got angry more than once. There are quite a few verses that talk about Jesus being angry. Here is the key though. That anger was always of the moment, it didn't lead to sin (though I am sure some of you are thinking about the table situation scratching your heads), and it never lasted. It never became bitterness or resentment. Think about Jesus' response to those who were crucifying Him on the cross. Though He had the power to stop it all, He took the pain, and even interceded for the ones crucifying Him!!! Luke 23:24 "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Here is a man under ultimate injustice. God became man, lived blamelessly, then got tortured to death in the place of a murderer, and He has the where with all to intercede for those torturing Him. I have been wronged a few times lately, and my response in my heart is to struggle not to pray evil prayers, things like, "Lord, please bring a plague of... (deep breath)" "Father, make sure that they suffff......... no." I have to keep at it until I can actually pray for them in genuine.
The biggest change in my understanding of lingering anger (as opposed to feeling anger in the moment of revelation or injustice) is that anger is tied to judgement. It is always tied to judgement. You cannot stay angry with someone unless you think you are better than them, that you deserve better than them. I recognized this as I was lying awake thinking about someone whom has deeply wronged my family. My anger was turning into hatred, and I could feel the chasm between God and I growing. I knew there was no place for it, but not how to stop it. I cried out in my heart again and again. Faithful, the Holy Spirit showed me that I thought I was better then the man I was angry at. That I had no right to feel better than him. Yes, He had wronged my family deeply, but was I better? If I am better in action, is that because of me? Surely not! It is ALL grace. not one speck of the goodness is me. So, even if I am wiser, or more mature, I cannot take credit for that. And, if I cannot take credit for anything but that which I do wrong, then what leg do I stand on to remain angry at someone who is EXACTLY LIKE ME?! I can't. I can't do it. Every time, I have to submit to the reality of who I am, and when I do, the anger fades!!!! I mean it really fades. How amazing is that?! Without anger, that chasm in my heart closes up, and I find myself nearer to God than I was before I was tempted to let anger linger, turn to bitterness or even hatred. I am free to love those who harm me. Prayer can be sent with a genuine and humble spirit.
May God ever be faithful in reminding you and I of that. That our joy would be always from Him. That the lie of pride would be overcome, and humility would be daily given to us.
On the music front, here is the chord progression I am working around.
Standard tuning
|1--
|---
|-2-
|--3
|--3
|X mute w/ thumb
then to:
|---
|1--
|-2-
|--3
|--3
|X mute w/thumb
I go back and forth between those about twice before reaching over to the Cadd9
|---
|1--
|---
|-2-
|--3
|--3 It is tempting not to put this finger down, and just play a normal C Major, but it really does sound better with it.
the second time around I finish with a G Maj, then usually repeat. Anyhow, it is a start. I think it has a nice sound that is nothing fancy, but not just G C D Em and so on. I play the chords very slowly, and I hit heavier on the top strings, sometimes I can't even here the bottom ones.
First things first. My father in law got a Kuerig Coffee Machine. This is not healthy for me. I am not even a coffee buff, and my intake has doubled if not tripled! It is like having heroine on tap. Press the little button, the machine makes some noises, and you get really good coffee or tea in ten seconds. I fear the toll will be most heavily taken on my pearly whites. I have been blessed with relatively straight and white natural teeth. Until I was a junior and high school, my teeth were nearly perfect naturally, to many people's envy. That would be when my not so wise wisdom teeth decided to come in, and shove my bottom teeth forward, banking my two front teeth in ever so slightly. You can't tell unless I open my mouth real wide, but it's there. Anyhow, this Kuerig situation is bad. Need to pray for some self control here!
Now on to serious stuff. Anger has long been an issue for me. I battled it mightily as a young teen. Part of this was because I was picked on heavily and my mom, with her newly rejuvenated faith, was under the understanding that it was my roll as a Christian to let the other boys beat me up, and not do anything about it. "Turn the other cheek." I did just that, and it left me feeling emasculated and confused. Also, I had some crazy hormones raging. When you can grow a full beard when you are a junior in high school, you know that the testosterone is in full effect. So, I have spent two decades now trying to understand anger. What is it? Where does it come from? What do I do with it?
When I was younger, my mother and dad would try to assuage my anger by telling me to go take out my anger on something inanimate. Living in the country, there was more room to let this play out. One time my dad and I shot cartons of water with shotguns (highly recommend it. The water just explodes!)
This long, arduous battle has been one of my worst. We are all afraid of our own selves in some way. We are afraid we will do this or that. For me, (until maybe two years ago) I have lived my life in fear of my own temper, and I have lived in fear of my own forgetfulness.
God is always faithful. I have been begging Him for help, and He has surely given it over the years. As with everything, it seems, He didn't just zap it. No, He has lovingly shown Himself in the process of understanding and maturation. This year has been the biggest year for this.
The biggest change came in Ireland, when, as I have already written before, God showed me that I was angry at Him, and that my anger was deeply unfounded (understatement of the year). Since then, when anger toward God has popped up, I have been able to fight it off with what I now know. But, what about with people. God is perfect. People aren't (another understatement). Surely I can be justified in being angry with people... Wrong.
Due to someone justifying bitterness with the scripture about Jesus having righteous anger and turning over the tables in the temple, I have begun to study what the word says about anger. What I have found is terribly interesting. For one, Jesus got angry more than once. There are quite a few verses that talk about Jesus being angry. Here is the key though. That anger was always of the moment, it didn't lead to sin (though I am sure some of you are thinking about the table situation scratching your heads), and it never lasted. It never became bitterness or resentment. Think about Jesus' response to those who were crucifying Him on the cross. Though He had the power to stop it all, He took the pain, and even interceded for the ones crucifying Him!!! Luke 23:24 "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Here is a man under ultimate injustice. God became man, lived blamelessly, then got tortured to death in the place of a murderer, and He has the where with all to intercede for those torturing Him. I have been wronged a few times lately, and my response in my heart is to struggle not to pray evil prayers, things like, "Lord, please bring a plague of... (deep breath)" "Father, make sure that they suffff......... no." I have to keep at it until I can actually pray for them in genuine.
The biggest change in my understanding of lingering anger (as opposed to feeling anger in the moment of revelation or injustice) is that anger is tied to judgement. It is always tied to judgement. You cannot stay angry with someone unless you think you are better than them, that you deserve better than them. I recognized this as I was lying awake thinking about someone whom has deeply wronged my family. My anger was turning into hatred, and I could feel the chasm between God and I growing. I knew there was no place for it, but not how to stop it. I cried out in my heart again and again. Faithful, the Holy Spirit showed me that I thought I was better then the man I was angry at. That I had no right to feel better than him. Yes, He had wronged my family deeply, but was I better? If I am better in action, is that because of me? Surely not! It is ALL grace. not one speck of the goodness is me. So, even if I am wiser, or more mature, I cannot take credit for that. And, if I cannot take credit for anything but that which I do wrong, then what leg do I stand on to remain angry at someone who is EXACTLY LIKE ME?! I can't. I can't do it. Every time, I have to submit to the reality of who I am, and when I do, the anger fades!!!! I mean it really fades. How amazing is that?! Without anger, that chasm in my heart closes up, and I find myself nearer to God than I was before I was tempted to let anger linger, turn to bitterness or even hatred. I am free to love those who harm me. Prayer can be sent with a genuine and humble spirit.
May God ever be faithful in reminding you and I of that. That our joy would be always from Him. That the lie of pride would be overcome, and humility would be daily given to us.
On the music front, here is the chord progression I am working around.
Standard tuning
|1--
|---
|-2-
|--3
|--3
|X mute w/ thumb
then to:
|---
|1--
|-2-
|--3
|--3
|X mute w/thumb
I go back and forth between those about twice before reaching over to the Cadd9
|---
|1--
|---
|-2-
|--3
|--3 It is tempting not to put this finger down, and just play a normal C Major, but it really does sound better with it.
the second time around I finish with a G Maj, then usually repeat. Anyhow, it is a start. I think it has a nice sound that is nothing fancy, but not just G C D Em and so on. I play the chords very slowly, and I hit heavier on the top strings, sometimes I can't even here the bottom ones.
Lyric of the day is July Flame by Laura Veirs
I have had this song stuck in my head all day.
The line: "Ashes of a secret heart" is my favorite.
So descriptive on so many levels
July flame
Fiery kite
Will-o-the-Wisp
Lead me through the night
July flame
Sweet summer peach
High up in the branch
Just out of my reach
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
July flame
I'm seeing fireworks
They're so beautiful
Tell me why it hurts
July flame
Ashes of a secret heart
Falling in my lemonade
Unslakable thirsting in the backyard
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Fiery kite
Will-o-the-Wisp
Lead me through the night
July flame
Sweet summer peach
High up in the branch
Just out of my reach
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
July flame
I'm seeing fireworks
They're so beautiful
Tell me why it hurts
July flame
Ashes of a secret heart
Falling in my lemonade
Unslakable thirsting in the backyard
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?
Romans 3:21-28
21 But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it--
22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction:
25 whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.
26 It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.
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