These last few nights, I have had trouble getting to sleep. Tonight obviously is no different. It is nearly one, but I cannot sleep. Despite having spent a good hour in bed, I cannot sleep. For one, I think I have been drinking too much caffeine too late. This is one of the first signs of old age. I can no longer drink caffeinated drinks past two in the afternoon or I am pretty much toast come sleep time. Also, my brain was reeling with new additions to Light Blue.
Light Blue update. About a dozen people have read the original draft. It has been an interesting time of taking in their encouragements and criticisms. My spirit has never been more lifted and yet frustrated from other's words. The highlight has been having several of my selected readers tell that they were brought to tears. I was especially surprised to have one of those people be my dad. There has also been a battle Satan has tried to discourage me often in the process, to get me jealous at other people's works, to get me frustrated that my first (and rough) draft wasn't perfect (smacks self in face due to own stupidity and just all around prideful idioticness). God has been faithful to bring me through, and Light Blue is soooo much better now that I havebeen able to take all the wonerful input given, especially that of Jason. He has been absolutely integral in keeping me moving forward, excited, and thinking clearly on it. Keep praying for Joel Kneedler, the literary agent I will be sending it to first, and for the Holy Spirit to make the vision for the finished version clear, and that I would be faithful and obedient in writing. I must confess I have all too often allowed myself to become distracted or just allowed my frustration to stop me. It is time to push on.
God has been so very gracious to continuously keep me on the path, keeping me looking to Him. My moments of straying have been shorter. I think unlike times previously, God has been maturing me to the point to where I am now just running to Him for everything. Good, bad, easy, hard, my default is becoming more childlike. I am like a little kid running to his dad, clinging to His pant leg. I have nearly no pretenses anymore about earning anything or having any real capabilities for any real good on my own. This has been amazing for teaching me to love Him, to enjoy Him.
One of my biggest struggles has been wanting to minister, and always being placed doing other things. My heart yearns to spend all my days pouring my time and energy and thought and whatever else into loving others in ministry.
At first I questioned my motives for wanting to always wanting to preach, teach, write, blog, discuss what I have come to know. Is it arrogance? It would be possible, but I have taken it to God, and I know the truth. I am simply gobsmacked by the wonderful things I have been shown and I want others to experience it. No, I HAVE to share.
It is like going to another country. Ever since Ireland, I have burned to take my loved ones back. It is one of my greatest Earthy wishes, that I would get to drive through the countryside with them, climb the Mournes with them, take them to the Maghera (my favorite pub), and have them stare down the long shores of Murlough Beach down toward Slieve Donard as it tapers gently from the sky down into the sea. I want to look at their faces as they take it in, and I want to take THAT in.
That is what it is like. Yet, so far, God has chosen to have me do other things. All too often I have bucked it. I have tried to tell God what a waste having me email people, or research dog blogs is. I tell Him I should be writing, or teaching about Him, or encouraging groups of depressed brothers and sisters how to make much of Him in the midst of their pain. God keeps telling me to obey, and stop telling Him what I would be good at as if He didn't already know. You will be in ministry soon. How soon? Just be faithful is the answer. Obey. Love me regardless. Learn to submit to not only me, but others. Learn to lead, by following often. See how others do their ministries, and take note of when they fail and when they succeed. I believe it is coming. I believe He is building you and I for ministry.
So, I am being faithful in reaching out through this blog, and The Abyssic. I am trying to reach out to those whom I can in person. I am starting to write my second song ever, as I must do better than my first. HA. I am learning to be a better husband every day. I am learning how to always press on regardless of other people's reaction to my work. It has been a long journey indeed. I am looking forward to what is to come. I know that big things are ahead. They may not be big to other people, but they will be to me, and to those whom I love, and to God. Intimacy with Him is ahead. Joy is ahead.
I cannot wait to see what He does.
Excerpt from "Til The Sun Turns Black" By Ray Lamontagne
Can you see the working classes
Trudging through their days
Time goes slowly when you're only waiting
Till the sun turns black
Can you see the wise man simply
Living, loving quietly
Every breath he takes eternity
Till the sun turns black
Psalm 77: 16-19
16 When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side.
18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen.
Psalm 16:6-11
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Father, forgive us our many sins. You are why we will live. May the Holy Spirit be active in our hearts and minds. Don't ever let us go. Don't withhold a single blessing, pleasant or unpleasant. May your hand be heavy in our life. Thank you so much for all that you have done in saving and sanctifying us. Each day is a testament to your faithfulness. You are everything. May you guide into ultimate joy here on this Earth, that we would know you. Give us more of you Father. Give us as much as you would allow. Open the floodgates of our hearts. Break them open, for they are surely hard, harder than we even know. Establish us in work and ministry. Father we beg for this. Again I will say it, establish us in your ministry, that we would get to enjoy sharing our herts desires with others, that we would speak and sing and write of Your glory all day long. Amen.
Funny side note. Imagine me sitting here alone in the living room in the dark, no light but that which is coming from my screen. Off in the dark behind me I can hear Basil dreaming, and it is ridiculously cute. His little paws are moving. I can hear them against the carpet, and his little muffled barks are like when a human talks in their sleep, not fully formed. I can just imagine his little bloodhound thoughts floating in the air above his massive head. Anyhow, good goodnight.
My Epic – beloved
Oh, and one more thing. I finally figured out how to goo into the comment settings, and allow people to comment anonymously. So, if you are reading this and want to comment, fire away. You no longer have to be signed in to anything to do so. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Light Blue update. About a dozen people have read the original draft. It has been an interesting time of taking in their encouragements and criticisms. My spirit has never been more lifted and yet frustrated from other's words. The highlight has been having several of my selected readers tell that they were brought to tears. I was especially surprised to have one of those people be my dad. There has also been a battle Satan has tried to discourage me often in the process, to get me jealous at other people's works, to get me frustrated that my first (and rough) draft wasn't perfect (smacks self in face due to own stupidity and just all around prideful idioticness). God has been faithful to bring me through, and Light Blue is soooo much better now that I havebeen able to take all the wonerful input given, especially that of Jason. He has been absolutely integral in keeping me moving forward, excited, and thinking clearly on it. Keep praying for Joel Kneedler, the literary agent I will be sending it to first, and for the Holy Spirit to make the vision for the finished version clear, and that I would be faithful and obedient in writing. I must confess I have all too often allowed myself to become distracted or just allowed my frustration to stop me. It is time to push on.
God has been so very gracious to continuously keep me on the path, keeping me looking to Him. My moments of straying have been shorter. I think unlike times previously, God has been maturing me to the point to where I am now just running to Him for everything. Good, bad, easy, hard, my default is becoming more childlike. I am like a little kid running to his dad, clinging to His pant leg. I have nearly no pretenses anymore about earning anything or having any real capabilities for any real good on my own. This has been amazing for teaching me to love Him, to enjoy Him.
One of my biggest struggles has been wanting to minister, and always being placed doing other things. My heart yearns to spend all my days pouring my time and energy and thought and whatever else into loving others in ministry.
At first I questioned my motives for wanting to always wanting to preach, teach, write, blog, discuss what I have come to know. Is it arrogance? It would be possible, but I have taken it to God, and I know the truth. I am simply gobsmacked by the wonderful things I have been shown and I want others to experience it. No, I HAVE to share.
It is like going to another country. Ever since Ireland, I have burned to take my loved ones back. It is one of my greatest Earthy wishes, that I would get to drive through the countryside with them, climb the Mournes with them, take them to the Maghera (my favorite pub), and have them stare down the long shores of Murlough Beach down toward Slieve Donard as it tapers gently from the sky down into the sea. I want to look at their faces as they take it in, and I want to take THAT in.
That is what it is like. Yet, so far, God has chosen to have me do other things. All too often I have bucked it. I have tried to tell God what a waste having me email people, or research dog blogs is. I tell Him I should be writing, or teaching about Him, or encouraging groups of depressed brothers and sisters how to make much of Him in the midst of their pain. God keeps telling me to obey, and stop telling Him what I would be good at as if He didn't already know. You will be in ministry soon. How soon? Just be faithful is the answer. Obey. Love me regardless. Learn to submit to not only me, but others. Learn to lead, by following often. See how others do their ministries, and take note of when they fail and when they succeed. I believe it is coming. I believe He is building you and I for ministry.
So, I am being faithful in reaching out through this blog, and The Abyssic. I am trying to reach out to those whom I can in person. I am starting to write my second song ever, as I must do better than my first. HA. I am learning to be a better husband every day. I am learning how to always press on regardless of other people's reaction to my work. It has been a long journey indeed. I am looking forward to what is to come. I know that big things are ahead. They may not be big to other people, but they will be to me, and to those whom I love, and to God. Intimacy with Him is ahead. Joy is ahead.
I cannot wait to see what He does.
Excerpt from "Til The Sun Turns Black" By Ray Lamontagne
Can you see the working classes
Trudging through their days
Time goes slowly when you're only waiting
Till the sun turns black
Can you see the wise man simply
Living, loving quietly
Every breath he takes eternity
Till the sun turns black
Psalm 77: 16-19
16 When the waters saw you, O God, when the waters saw you, they were afraid; indeed, the deep trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder; your arrows flashed on every side.
18 The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind; your lightnings lighted up the world; the earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen.
Psalm 16:6-11
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.
11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Father, forgive us our many sins. You are why we will live. May the Holy Spirit be active in our hearts and minds. Don't ever let us go. Don't withhold a single blessing, pleasant or unpleasant. May your hand be heavy in our life. Thank you so much for all that you have done in saving and sanctifying us. Each day is a testament to your faithfulness. You are everything. May you guide into ultimate joy here on this Earth, that we would know you. Give us more of you Father. Give us as much as you would allow. Open the floodgates of our hearts. Break them open, for they are surely hard, harder than we even know. Establish us in work and ministry. Father we beg for this. Again I will say it, establish us in your ministry, that we would get to enjoy sharing our herts desires with others, that we would speak and sing and write of Your glory all day long. Amen.
Funny side note. Imagine me sitting here alone in the living room in the dark, no light but that which is coming from my screen. Off in the dark behind me I can hear Basil dreaming, and it is ridiculously cute. His little paws are moving. I can hear them against the carpet, and his little muffled barks are like when a human talks in their sleep, not fully formed. I can just imagine his little bloodhound thoughts floating in the air above his massive head. Anyhow, good goodnight.
My Epic – beloved
Oh, and one more thing. I finally figured out how to goo into the comment settings, and allow people to comment anonymously. So, if you are reading this and want to comment, fire away. You no longer have to be signed in to anything to do so. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your heart. It is amazing to see how God can be doing the same thing in other people's lives just using different circumstances. It reminds me I am not alone and that there are others who understand where I am walking. Please know that what you write touches and ministers to people everyday. God will continue to use you as you remain faithful to Him.
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