There are so many things that, when I look back upon, hurt my heart. I think about terrible things I have said, or had said to me. I have fallen out with friends, broken peoples hearts, been cowardly when I should have been brave.
In the movie, “A Beautiful Mind,” the main character, Nash, played by Russell Crowe, has just one the Nobel Prize. It is the apex of the movie, and it is heart warming, as we have seen Nash’s journey through the torment that is schizophrenia. Hallucinations have tortured him throughout the story, challenging his every notion about what is real. When a friend asks if his hallucinations are still there, he looks around, and we see that they are. He looks back at his friend and says, “They are my past, Martin. Everybody is haunted by their past.” Then he smiles, takes the hand of his bride, and walks on.
I have always loved that scene for many reasons, one of which is that we see the paradox of regret and hope. Hope and regret can (and should) both be a part of us.
Yet, we as Christians can sometimes take the sovereignty of God, and try to wipe away our past with it. Try mentioning a past regret to a brother or sister in Christ, and you will almost certainly get some kind of response saying something like, “Don’t think about that. It was God’s will. All things work for the good. Move on,” as if what has happened in the past doesn’t matter.
Did David not weep for his sins throughout the Psalms? Did Peter not weep at his betrayal? Do you think that Paul tossed aside what he did before Jesus opened his eyes?
It is in the face of regret that we have the brightest hope. Without regret, we would never learn. It is regret and shame of one of my most public sins, being caught talking bad about someone, face to face, that has taught to check my heart and watch my mouth. That residual sting, paired with the redemption and forgiveness given, gives me strength to move forward.
I think that both are necessary. Without hope in the forgiveness of your sins, of your redemption, satan will cripple you with guilt and fear. Yet, without regret, satan will have you forget, and you will continue down the same path over and over, all because you think that, because God is in control, that makes what has happened okay.
God’s sovereignty does not undo shame, guilt, regret, and sin. It takes all of those things and makes it work for His glory, and the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose. The greatest means of glorification that we have for God is to love Him. Well, love and regret go hand in hand. I regret every wrong I have ever committed against those I love. Every single wrong. Even though I know God will use it for His glory, I still regret it. It is a paradox for sure, but a fairly simple one. How can you not regret hurting those you love? If you don’t, I would volley that you don’t really love them.
It is my belief that we all know this, but are constantly looking for a way to just feel better, sometimes not realizing that, in the long run, those actions will hurt us, much like the person who tries to block others off from their heart, only to find it eventually shrivel and atrophy, as the heart was meant to be given. The same goes with regret. We can try to cut it off, excuse it, say that because God is going to use that regrettable action for good, that there is no need for regret, but peace will be false, and short-lived, for love cannot grow while constricted by lies. You cannot look into the face of someone you hold dear, think of the wrong you have done them, cut out regret, and be okay. Such emotional pruning always leads to darkness.
Instead, we match it with hope. With hope there to counter regret (not destroy it), we learn from our past, and move courageously and joyfully into the future.
Lyric of the Day
Paradise
By: Coldplay
From: Mylo Xyloto
When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
So she ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night
she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night
away she'll fly
And dream of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la
And so lying underneath the stormy skies
She'd say oh oh oh oh oh
I know the sun must set to rise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
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