Much has been going on in my heart as of late. As I have been writing about much lately, is that of overcoming your emotions. What is interesting to me is to see how my heart has dealt with pleasure. In the midst of depression, it was pain that tore me from God. Lately it has been pleasure. Lust, greed, and laziness have been tearing at me. It has been odd. I am so used to battling pain, that it has been a new experience, but one that I cherish. The Holy Spirit has been so so faithful in all of this, to teach me from it, and protect me from giving into temptation.
One thing that I have learned is that pleasure is layered. What I mean is that we are very complex beings. Until a few days ago, my heart was being pestered with false promises. I could feel my heart being lustful, being greedy, being lazy. All of those things have pleasure in them. They all stroke a short term desire. They all focus on myself. They all call me to just, "feel good." However, it has been a miserable experience. The Holy Spirit was ministering to me in this trial. Dueling natures.
On one level, I was being called to give into pleasure, but I knew that it was false. I knew it because I have felt greater pleasures, the pleasure of true love, of sacrifice, of service. They are the truest and most deep. All of those shallow pleasures are just that, shallow. They leave you immediately wanting more, they tickle your dissatisfaction. Love, true love anyhow, not only satisfies, but it never ends. The pleasure just keeps going and going forever. Those shallow pleasures can't be had at the same time as the deeper ones. I am not talking about being tempted, but giving into it. You cannot be lustful and grow in true love. That is like being up and down at the same time. A round square, if you will.
Another thing that I have seen is that pleasure is far more devious a liar than pain. Despite the enormous amount of pain that is addressed in the Bible, we are still tempted to pout, to rebuff, to reject God on the basis of our pain. How could God do this to us? Right? I am all too familiar with this. Yet, it has been a call back to my youth before depression to feel the draw of pleasure. It is far more pervasive and tricky to see. We think, "This can't be bad. It feels good."
So many people reject God, not on the basis of objective reason, but out of a simple desire to do your own thing. Tim Keller, in a sermon I listened to awhile ago talked about how many great atheist thinkers were honest in attributing their decision to not believe in God hinging largely upon their desire to fornicate. I understand this. As a teenager with raging hormones, my heart wanted so badly to get rid of God so that I could assuage the blazing lust I had. Thank God. He was ever faithful in keeping me pure in that time. He never let me go, always ministered to my heart, always drew me on to the greater things. He wanted the best for me. He wanted true pleasure, true happiness. He had more of Himself for me. It hurts me to think about how many believe the lies that have tempted us all.
One of the biggest pieces of wisdom that God has imparted upon me is this. Don't assume. If I think giving into some sin will make me happy, look at those who have given into it outright, and ask yourself, are they better off? Do you really want to be them? I can see those whom have given into greed, or lust, or laziness, and I shudder. Not one of them do I envy, do I yearn to be. The proof is in the pudding. So odd that our new nature makes us miserable when we are being drawn by the wrong things. Praise God for his allowing my purification and sanctification. He is surely good.
So, my heart burns to share the gospel of Christ. My prayer has been for love, and only true love, the kind that sacrifices, serves, and looks outward to others, and not in towards self. God has been ever faithful.
May God never let us go. May He have mercy on us, and withhold no blessing, pleasurable or not. May we have the wisdom and courage to persevere in this face of all forms of temptation and trial. May we serve much, love greatly, sacrifice whatever is asked. May our hearts learn to grow in affection for all of God's people. May our actions flow from our heart's affections. May we always praise God's name, no matter what we face. May we overcome what we feel when needed, and pursue the greater calling. God is surely, surely good. Amen.
One thing that I have learned is that pleasure is layered. What I mean is that we are very complex beings. Until a few days ago, my heart was being pestered with false promises. I could feel my heart being lustful, being greedy, being lazy. All of those things have pleasure in them. They all stroke a short term desire. They all focus on myself. They all call me to just, "feel good." However, it has been a miserable experience. The Holy Spirit was ministering to me in this trial. Dueling natures.
On one level, I was being called to give into pleasure, but I knew that it was false. I knew it because I have felt greater pleasures, the pleasure of true love, of sacrifice, of service. They are the truest and most deep. All of those shallow pleasures are just that, shallow. They leave you immediately wanting more, they tickle your dissatisfaction. Love, true love anyhow, not only satisfies, but it never ends. The pleasure just keeps going and going forever. Those shallow pleasures can't be had at the same time as the deeper ones. I am not talking about being tempted, but giving into it. You cannot be lustful and grow in true love. That is like being up and down at the same time. A round square, if you will.
Another thing that I have seen is that pleasure is far more devious a liar than pain. Despite the enormous amount of pain that is addressed in the Bible, we are still tempted to pout, to rebuff, to reject God on the basis of our pain. How could God do this to us? Right? I am all too familiar with this. Yet, it has been a call back to my youth before depression to feel the draw of pleasure. It is far more pervasive and tricky to see. We think, "This can't be bad. It feels good."
So many people reject God, not on the basis of objective reason, but out of a simple desire to do your own thing. Tim Keller, in a sermon I listened to awhile ago talked about how many great atheist thinkers were honest in attributing their decision to not believe in God hinging largely upon their desire to fornicate. I understand this. As a teenager with raging hormones, my heart wanted so badly to get rid of God so that I could assuage the blazing lust I had. Thank God. He was ever faithful in keeping me pure in that time. He never let me go, always ministered to my heart, always drew me on to the greater things. He wanted the best for me. He wanted true pleasure, true happiness. He had more of Himself for me. It hurts me to think about how many believe the lies that have tempted us all.
One of the biggest pieces of wisdom that God has imparted upon me is this. Don't assume. If I think giving into some sin will make me happy, look at those who have given into it outright, and ask yourself, are they better off? Do you really want to be them? I can see those whom have given into greed, or lust, or laziness, and I shudder. Not one of them do I envy, do I yearn to be. The proof is in the pudding. So odd that our new nature makes us miserable when we are being drawn by the wrong things. Praise God for his allowing my purification and sanctification. He is surely good.
So, my heart burns to share the gospel of Christ. My prayer has been for love, and only true love, the kind that sacrifices, serves, and looks outward to others, and not in towards self. God has been ever faithful.
May God never let us go. May He have mercy on us, and withhold no blessing, pleasurable or not. May we have the wisdom and courage to persevere in this face of all forms of temptation and trial. May we serve much, love greatly, sacrifice whatever is asked. May our hearts learn to grow in affection for all of God's people. May our actions flow from our heart's affections. May we always praise God's name, no matter what we face. May we overcome what we feel when needed, and pursue the greater calling. God is surely, surely good. Amen.
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