Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My Own "Schindler's List" Epiphany


Matthew 25:23 NIV

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'



This last month has been wild.  We took care of the ranch while my parents were away.  We mourned the death of my Daddy Jake.  We celebrated the wedding of Kathleen's best friend Rachel.  Thousands of miles have been travelled.  So, it is nice to finally feel mostly settled for a bit (with the exception of another wedding this weekend).  This week has been very refreshing, even just feeling like there will be peace ahead.  Next week, barring something big, I will finish the first draft of my book.  


Anyhow, to get the part where I make sense of the title I have chosen.  I have been looking ahead, as we always do, trying to constantly make sure I am walking rightly in my work for God's glory.  I want to be ever focused.  There is a great sense of desperation in my heart for God to allow me the privilege of getting to serve Him fully, with out reserve.  As I was gauging my own heart, and asking difficult questions, a scene from "Schindler's List" came to my mind.  Toward the end of the movie, Schindler is talking with one of the many Jews who's freedom he was able to buy.  He has already done so much.  Yet, he begins to panic, taking the gold pin off of his jacket, asking, "What could I have gotten for this pin?  How many lives?"  He continues to list things he could have sold.  The end of the story still ends with him a hero, to the point of making a movie in honor of the bravery and generosity he showed.  Immediately those around him console him, telling him how much they appreciate all he had done.  Yet, as much as he had done, there is an element of truth to his panic.  Even the first time I saw it when I was fourteen, I remember recognizing, "Yes, he probably could have.  I wonder why he kept the pin."  Fifteen years later I wonder the same thing about myself everyday.  


Now, the analogy breaks down, in that I cannot buy anybody's salvation.  Yet, I can put everything I have toward such a goal.  My call isn't to save but to obey, and I think about how much I hold back.  Could I have built a well with Charity Water by now, bringing water to hundreds of people?  Yes.  Yet, how often has the "out of sight" element of that problem been overridden by my "I want a frappucino" problem?  Way, way too often.  How much of my talent is being used for his glory?  We aren't even supposed to guard our weaknesses!  He thrives on using those!  Then how about our strengths?  One that seems so innocent is simply... time.  Obviously, most of don't spend enough of our time involved in kingdom work.  We play XBox, or clean our house, or whatever it is that we like to fill our time doing otherwise.  Yet, I also think about the time spent inside my mind.  Now, I believe in the power of prayer.  The beauty of this is that I can minister to all living people from anywhere.  Even that time I want for idle thoughts.  I would rather surf the web and fill my idle mind with information that I later realize I never really wanted.  More stories about how broken we humans are, and how much we hurt each other and ourselves.  In the end, I want there to be as little wondering, "What more could I have given?" as possible.  


Side note.  I am not pushing some ridiculous state of panicked go that results in no sleep or being ascetic.  I believe in rest and leisure.  Those are a part of pursuing God.  They help me know Him.  There is a line in my heart, I would imagine in yours too, where I know I am being selfish with what God has given me.  I am being idle.  That is what I am talking about.    From my own experience, such "sacrifices" end up not feeling so sacrificial, as the reward of intimacy with God through service and hard labor brings enormous joy.  May you and I both no as much of that joy as we can possibly be allowed to take part of.  Amen.

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